5 Responses

  1. Annette
    | Reply

    I saw an example of what you said last week when my friend received public praise. She was urged to pass the information on to others but was uncomfortable doing that. Her friends said “What would you do it it were someone else?” and she had to agree she would waste no time if it were anyone else. We get so used to beating ourselves up for what we can’t do.

    You probably did more housework that day than I have done in 6 months and still it wasn’t enough plus you are still recovering from surgery. You’d better be nicer to yourself or I will send you a big stack of Maxine cartoons so you can pick up some attitude.

    • Jane Waterman
      | Reply

      Thanks, Annette. It’s probably no coincidence that you just wrote a post about A-type personalities and chronic illness! We do have a hard time accepting what we can’t do, instead of focussing on what we can do as you suggested.

      I’ve read a few books about self-compassion. Some days I have a lot of trouble moving from the theoretical understanding to the practical application! I think the most effective approach is the one your friend’s friends suggested, “How would you treat someone else going through this?” I think if we make a practice of asking that question, we might stop beating ourselves up as much.

      Today I’m feeling pretty beat-up already, as though recent months have caught up with me. I’m going to try to put this into practice and rest as much as I can today.

      I love Maxine cartoons. If I had a tenth of that attitude, I could be a force to be reckoned with! :)

      Take care of you today!
      Jane

  2. Barbara Storey
    | Reply

    Oh, boy – were you looking over my shoulder today, dearest Jane? My Morning Pages over the last couple of days have been nothing BUT “How could you not be perfect and do everything you SHOULD do and used to do before you were sick?” when I’m in the middle of the most intense and tiring healing experiences of my entire life, which is definitely not without pain. Not to mention my energy is ALL being diverted to cooperating with this healing process, and I have none to spare. But yet I constantly berate myself for not following my normal routine and getting more done.

    We both need to be gentler with ourselves, don’t we? Thank you for the reminder, sweetheart.

    Love,
    Barbara

    • Jane Waterman
      | Reply

      It’s quite possible, my dear heart sister! :) *hugs* There is almost something compulsive about this relentless drive to DO things. Annette, who is another friend and commenter on this blog, recently wrote an entry about how a nurse told her that many people with rheumatoid arthritis are very much A-type personalities, and really don’t know how to slow down. I think that applies to many people with autoimmune disorders. I think the disease process tries to slow us down, but our minds won’t cooperate!

      I too have noticed that my self-talk is most strong and abusive when I am most challenged, and most likely to be laid out, as you must surely be now! *hugs* I don’t know how to stop it, but I think it starts with saying “stop”, and then asking if we would treat a most beloved friend that way. I am certainly going to be practising that!

      Thank you for commenting, and know that I’ve been thinking of you a lot as you go through this journey. Exciting and challenging I’m sure! You will need a good rest and holiday when you get back!

      Lots of love,
      Jane

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