Balance

posted in: chronic illness | 2
Balance © 2012 Jane Waterman
Balance © 2012 Jane Waterman

I sit around making pictures at 2am in the morning because I’m no good with balance. I’m okay with that, sort of. When you work around an autoimmune disease, and work around the stuff that is as deeply entrenched in the mind as the body, I suppose anything feels like an achievement some days.

This morning, due to pushing myself too much, I was pretty shaky. In fact, I had to meet the challenge lying down. I started my day later, accelerated, trying to remember to cram eating, taking meds, working and finding my cell phone into an hour or two.

I then took an hour off to listen to a webinar on photography. Amazing how afterwards I felt an inordinate amount of guilt because I’d been “slacking off” while the “normal” work world is ticking over. I’m sure even the normal people would have grabbed the chance, if not for a webinar, for some other guilty pleasure.

I’ve been thinking about balance a lot lately, and how much I want it (so taking an hour for me doesn’t seem like a reason for guilt) and yet how reaching for it is exhausting.

Some days you just have to take life as it is, messy, arms flailing, and be happy that you got to squeeze any of these things in, much less sit down at the end of the day to write about it.

I guess balance is what happens when you let life slosh around in some kind of ungainly rhythm.

Blessings,
Jane

2 Responses

  1. Carmen
    | Reply

    Very wise…. balance is definitely a goal for me too.. I will keep trying to make it a practice, and believe me I need to practice this because the world just doesn't seem to come at you with little breaks to fit it all in… so we mindfully become aware and do what we can, when we can…

    Each time you make time for things like the webinar, creating art and connecting with more than the tasks at hand… you are moving toward balance…

    Blessings of love and light

    • Jane
      | Reply

      It would be nice though if the world did come at us in bite-size pieces! Love you. xxxx

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