I sit around making pictures at 2am in the morning because I’m no good with balance. I’m okay with that, sort of. When you work around an autoimmune disease, and work around the stuff that is as deeply entrenched in the mind as the body, I suppose anything feels like an achievement some days.
This morning, due to pushing myself too much, I was pretty shaky. In fact, I had to meet the challenge lying down. I started my day later, accelerated, trying to remember to cram eating, taking meds, working and finding my cell phone into an hour or two.
I then took an hour off to listen to a webinar on photography. Amazing how afterwards I felt an inordinate amount of guilt because I’d been “slacking off” while the “normal” work world is ticking over. I’m sure even the normal people would have grabbed the chance, if not for a webinar, for some other guilty pleasure.
I’ve been thinking about balance a lot lately, and how much I want it (so taking an hour for me doesn’t seem like a reason for guilt) and yet how reaching for it is exhausting.
Some days you just have to take life as it is, messy, arms flailing, and be happy that you got to squeeze any of these things in, much less sit down at the end of the day to write about it.
I guess balance is what happens when you let life slosh around in some kind of ungainly rhythm.