I’m taking part in WEGO Health’s Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge
Day 16 #HAWMC – Tell us 3 things that are true about you, your condition, or your Health Activism. Tell us 1 lie. Will we be able to tell the difference?
I’m improvising with this prompt.
I’m in a weird space tonight. I cried while recounting what was supposed to be a humorous anecdote about a past job interview to my job-seeking daughter. I felt okay about it. I don’t usually cry (as much as I feel I want to – sometimes I think it’s the Sjogren’s, and other times, I don’t know), so when it comes, I welcome it. Even as I dried my tears, I felt I really wanted to cry some more, but it’s hard to explain why when you’re crying for no reason.
I’m not a fan of some of the prompts during this challenge, and was getting ready to call it quits. My pain is bad, my part-time work is giving my swiss-cheese brain a run for its money (my OCD list-keeping habits are not turning out to be such a blessing, as I think I need a master list of where all the lists are), and all I want to do is sleep. After talking it out with Mrs Blackbird (my better half), she reminded me that I didn’t have to post every day. I think I’m okay with that.
I could tell you a little about where I stand right now in my life. I had a bone scan yesterday. No big deal – I had one about 4 years ago to see if I had any signs of Rheumatoid Arthritis. I was also at the same department some time after for a heart stress test, after my heart appeared to poop out during an emergency surgery back in 2008. I was back there yesterday. For a bone scan, it’s an hour each way to the hospital, the test has two parts, with a 3 hour wait in between for my bones to start glowing – or not. The parking was still outrageous: $2.75 an hour. No wonder some kind folks accost you at the machine and ask if you’d like to use the time on their ticket! Even if the test is easy, the trip’s a killer for someone with Sjogren’s syndrome fatigue.
This current scan is purportedly to see if I have a bone infection or bone cancer. I don’t think I do. I do have unrelenting, stabbing pain in my right side, which I’ve had since early 2011. The nurse/technician that injected me with the radioactive isotopes asked where the pain was. I showed her, and she said without hesitation, “Gallbladder”. My naturopath felt the doctor was reaching with this scan, and has also been leaning in the liver/gallbladder direction. I usually believe in science, but science hasn’t helped me with Sjogren’s syndrome. I don’t mind believing that the nurse/technician was some earth-bound angel pointing out the truth to make my journey a little easier.
Not that it makes any difference if she’s right. I’ve asked for more scans, and the doctors are insisting there was nothing there a year ago, so there’s nothing there now. I think the doctors are looking in all the wrong places. I can pinpoint my pain. Some days I just want to dig it out and say, see, there it is! Of course, doing so is a sure way to cause more pain, not to mention, to be shipped off to the psych ward. The good news is, with the lack of beds, I’d be out in a couple of hours anyway!
The pain is getting worse. I’m concerned that we’re going down that same rabbit hole of catastrophic medicine that led to the emergency op back in 2008. I’m hoping I can talk some sense into the doctors. I’m hoping that with logic, positive thinking, and time, I can talk them into going back to where they’ve already been.
That’s where I stand.
P.S. There is, after all, an untruth in this post. I believe my regular readers will be able to spot it quite easily. <3