After Munch #8 © 2012 Jane Waterman
Interior life

Silent House

I will try to connect All the pieces you left I will carry it on And let you forget I’ll remember the years When your mind was still clear All the flickering lights Filled up this silent house From Silent House (Finn, Maines, Robison, Maguire) I love the song ‘Silent

Read more...
Contraction © 2012 Jane Waterman
Interior life

Dark Matter

Recently, I heard it described that depression is a liar. It deceives us into believing all hope and joy is sucked out of the moment in which we live. I don’t know if it’s a liar so much as a thief, sneaking in on little feet, gradually drawing all the

Read more...
Quicksilver River © 2011 Jane Waterman
Invisible illnesses

Blackbird at Night

After a lot of soul-searching, I found a blog title that said something of what I wanted to say about a life with invisible illnesses – autoimmune disease, pain, depression and dissociation. For the first time in weeks I’ve found a moment of strength to say something. While I want

Read more...
This is What Is © 2012 Jane Waterman
Treatments

Chronic Pain and Catastrophic Medicine

This is a post I’ve been meaning to write for a long time. Having been through a somewhat hectic week, and feeling rather strung out by recent pain levels, I thought I’d try to jot down some of my thoughts in a more experiential post, and at a later time,

Read more...
Shame © 2012 Jane Waterman
Living with invisible illness

Shame

I come to writing today wrung out, hollowed, disappointed, ashamed. I can forgive myself the days that lapsed since my last entry. I sank into the recesses of a cave, and there I went through the motions of life in the grip of a depression so strange I can not

Read more...
Storm On Jupiter © 2012 Jane Waterman
Mental health challenges

Theories of Depression

I’m far away from my first career as a physicist, but not so far that I didn’t learn a few things. In particular, when preoccupied with the search for a theory of everything and being foiled yet again, physicists discover there’s always another level of complexity that they hadn’t considered.

Read more...
A Storm Comes © 2011 Jane Waterman
Healing toolkit

A Storm Comes

I am the part of me I can’t accept. I think of dark things. I am twenty-five years old. I live behind closed doors, afraid of who might come to call, afraid that I will have to speak. Sometimes when I go outside. I cross the road so I don’t

Read more...
Drowned World © 2012 Jane Waterman
Creativity

Drowned World

Today was a tough day… one of those days when the energy is just not there. I had a bad night with little sleep, which didn’t help. Then I got up and did some work in the morning, but headed back to bed after and slept until 3pm. The pain

Read more...
First Snow © 2012 Jane Waterman
Interior life

Outside, First Snow

Lately, I am happiest in those moments I spend outside. There is something about the chill air that shocks my system, pulls oxygen into my brain and makes me feel glad to be alive. There may be a scientific basis for this. At the moment, however, it’s an observation. It’s

Read more...
Angel #2 © 2012 Jane Waterman
Interior life

What Dreams May Come

I’m late with this entry because I was and am tired. I fell asleep and woke up past midnight, thanks to one of the dogs needing to go outside. Like last night, I feel strangely out of words. In a few hours, I’ll see my counsellor for a one-on-one for

Read more...